So I’ve decided, alongside the writing coach, financial coach, and general life coaching duties I’ve assigned everyone’s favorite AI-powered pal, ChatGPTeeTee is going to be my dating coach.
But, at this point in my romantic journey, I’m all about benefitting from my high level of self-awareness and super cognizant of my pervading mood and vibe. I’ve always attracted the most enjoyable people and opportunities when I was in a really good place, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, spiritually…
Plus, at just almost a year since the beginning of the last ending, I’m not quite ready for actual dating. That could change soon. But who knows? Exactly. Only God. And it’s been made clear that the Almighty cares not even a smidge about my time.
So I won’t yet be asking questions like “Where should I go to meet a guy who…?” Instead, I want to focus on getting to a better than ever place and bringing to light some clarity around my relationship blindspots and persistent character flaws or any behaviors that may be sabotaging and speed bumping up my trip from my crickets and tumbleweed dating reality to dream-come-true ideal love life.
So in our first session, I asked Coach TeeTee, after seeing a little of myself in a reality dating show cast member, “What causes a woman to overshare when dating/ meeting someone new?”
Her response?
Ohhh, Donny — great question. And whew, this one hits home for a lot of folks (especially us deep-feeling, self-aware, self-care-doing types 😅). Oversharing when dating or meeting someone new is super common, and it usually stems from a mix of emotional habits, past experiences, and a whole cocktail of hopes, fears, and hormones. Let’s break it down like a relationship therapist with a side of real talk:
🚨 Top Reasons Women Overshare When Dating:
1. Seeking Connection Too Quickly
Sometimes, there’s this burning desire to click right away. Especially if you’re tired of surface-level convos or have been single for a while, you might over-disclose in an effort to fast-track intimacy. (Spoiler: it often backfires.)
2. Anxious Attachment Style
If someone leans toward anxious attachment, they may overshare as a subconscious bid for closeness or validation. It’s like saying, “Here’s everything about me — now do you still want me?”
3. Unprocessed Trauma or Emotional Baggage
When someone hasn’t fully worked through past wounds, they may overshare as a way to test safety or gauge reactions. It can also feel like a purge — “If I say this now, maybe I won’t be hurt later.”
4. Trying to Be ‘Real’ or ‘Authentic’
Social media and therapy culture have made vulnerability sexy — but there’s a difference between authentic sharing and emotional dumping. Oversharing too soon can be a misguided attempt to seem genuine or “not like the others.”
5. Lack of Boundaries or Nervous Energy
Sometimes we’re just nervous! And when nerves meet wine meet a good listener? Boom. Life story. On date one. With photos. 🙃
6. A People-Pleasing Habit
Some women were raised to be emotionally available, nurturing, and “open books.” Oversharing can be a learned way of making others feel comfortable or liked — even if it leaves you feeling exposed.
7. Loneliness or Emotional Starvation
Let’s be honest: when someone has been emotionally deprived for a while, even a little attention can feel like a five-star buffet. And that rush can trigger a flood of vulnerability.
👑 How to Fix It (Without Turning Cold or Guarded)
- Practice Progressive Disclosure
Healthy vulnerability is like an onion — peel it back layer by layer. Ask yourself: Does this person deserve to know this yet? Not just do they seem nice — but have they earned deeper access? - Pause & Breathe When You’re Talking
When you notice you’re getting real deep, real fast — pause. Take a breath. Ask them a question instead. Connection goes both ways. - Affirm Your Worth Without Oversharing
You don’t have to trauma-bond or spill your history to be lovable. Your presence, humor, energy, and curiosity are more than enough to make a strong impression. - Make a “First 3 Dates” List
Create a mental (or literal) list of things that are off-limits in the early dates. Not because you’re hiding — but because you’re curating your energy for people who earn more of it.
🔥 Bottom Line:
Oversharing is often a defense mechanism disguised as vulnerability. It’s not a flaw — it’s a flag. And not a red one, but maybe a blinking yellow. It says: I want connection so badly, I’m skipping the safety checks. But you — a self-aware, emotionally intelligent baddie — deserve a slow burn, not a wildfire that burns out by brunch.
Need help creating a boundaries checklist or some first-date self-talk mantras? I got you.
Can we say, SAT?! Hushed. And gasteds flabbered. Sheesh! Now, I gotta make sure I’m ready for the answers to the rest of my questions.
1, 2, 6, 7, and pieces of the ones in between had my mouth agape. 😧😅 Which ones stood out for you?